Happy Valentine’s Day, loves! Last week was the start of the My Black Love series and I loved hearing how much you guys enjoyed it. I think my favorite part is the discussion Joseph and I have while we are answering these relationship questions. It gets REAL interesting, lol!
This week our questions were developed by my friend Rachel and her boyfriend Harper. They are basically the light-skinned, skinny version of me and Joseph! Haha! In all seriousness the similarities between us and them is crazy. In fact Rachel and I compare stories all the time. Our relationships started within a month of each other, they met the same way Joseph and I did, and it is safe to say Joseph and Harper are the funniest people we have ever met. Ironically, they have never met but I promise you they are the same person. Because of the similarities I thought having them choose questions for us was a no brainer. Here we go!
What causes a relationship to lose it’s spark?
Joseph: Predictability. When you get to the point where you can predict everything that you do, it’s dead. You should be building in unpredictability from the beginning. It’s not something that you can just create. You have to constantly be doing different things.
Me: I would have to go with refusal to grow and change. It kind of goes along with yours. I think everyone has to grow at some point but if one person doesn’t the relationship dies. Like I don’t expect you to like the same thing every single day for the rest of your life. That would be boring.
Are relationships repairable after someone cheats?
Joseph: Yes, I think you can come back from cheating. It would be hard but it’s doable. I look at it differently. I may have done something knowingly or unknowingly to push you to that point. But that doesn’t mean that I would accept it over and over again.
Joseph: Lol, what?
Me: I would say it depends. To me it depends on what happened and who I’m with at the time. I’ve been cheated on before but i’ve stayed and there was a time when I left. It depends.
Should things about his or her past be discussed?
Joseph: Yes, not all relationships are the same. I think you should be talking about the ones that taught you something.
Me: I agree but there is also a point that you have got to acknowledge there are things about someone’s past that you won’t know because you can’t know everything about a person.
Rank the importance of these in a relationship: Sex, emotional support, financial stability, trust
Joseph: 2, 4, 3, 1.
Me: Of course you would answer with numbers! Tell me why?
Joseph: [Laughing] What?! That’s how my brain works. I would say emotion is more important because I know what I need. I need emotional support more than anything. Trust would be a close second because that’s what I need to feel comfortable. If I am not comfortable, I will not open up and I am not going to be able to talk to you.
Me: Ok, I would say 4, 2, 3, 1. I think trust is the key to everything for me. Once trust is established I know I am ok with who that person is and I am safe. I have to feel safe. If I don’t, I am out.